So I've been a registered nurse in the pediatric ICU at Riley Hospital for two years now. I've learned a lot, seen a lot of happy stuff, seen some pretty sad stuff. I've grown, not only as a RN, but also as a person. Here are some of the lessons I've learned - the good, the bad, the ugly.
1. If you wear Dansko shoes, you will roll your ankle at least once a day, and other people will see you do it, so don't act like it didn't happen.
2. Don't walk too quickly on the unit or all the other RNs will think a patient is crashing and ask what's wrong.
3. There are a lot of great families out there. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who should not be allowed to breed.
4. Respiratory therapists are a RN's best friend.
5. Parents should not be allowed to watch Jerry Springer when a child is present.
6. If you forget your badge, your day is going to be a giant pain in the ass.
7. I'm never going to know it all.
8. If there is a full moon, it is probably going to be a crazy day.
9. Greasy fries and a chocolate shake from McDonald's are good for comforting the soul after a bad day.
10. Only other RNs get it. Your spouse doesn't get it, your mom doesn't get it, your friend doesn't get it. (Unless they are RNs too.)
11. Children are resilient and can bounce back from some really crazy stuff.
12. RN's like when you bring them food.
13. OCD is a terrible thing to waste. It's actually very useful in the PICU.
14. Go with your gut, it's usually right.
15. I work with some pretty awesome people. Shout out to my PICU Peeps!
16. I have made good friends with former patients' families. Never thought that would happen, but I'm glad it has.
17. That hard outer shell I've developed is really just there to protect me from all the sadness. I am still gooey inside.
18. When I get in my car after a rough day, I'm a mess. It's my safe place to let go and cry.
19. If you don't have your health, not much else matters.
20. Treasure every day, because life can change in a matter of seconds.
21. Child abusers should be tortured.
22. Nothing is harder than hearing a mother wailing after she's lost her child.
23. I will always cry when I see patients' dads cry. It's a given.
24. Miracles really do happen.
25. Children are absolutely precious.
26. Angels do exist.
27. I love working in the PICU.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Beautiful Chaos
Camden is a stinker. He's ornery and has a short-temper. He takes after his father. I think it's the Irish in him! However, he also acts Italian. He puts his arms out, palms facing upward and reaches up to you with this pitiful look on his face. It's like he's saying in his best Italian accent, "Hey, hey, hey, you knowa you wanna holda me!"
He's a pincher. He's a biter, though I think that may have stopped. He got written up twice already at daycare for biting another child. At the time he was getting 6 teeth at once! I do not condone biting in case you were wondering. I just can't believe he's only 1 and has already been written up at school. Hopefully this isn't a taste of what's to come.
He loves to throw everything, he's got quite the arm. When I said he throws everything, I meant it literally. He throws everything, including himself. He'll throw his body across the floor and do carpet dives. I'm thinking he may be a pitcher, or because of his fearlessness, a quarterback. He can be whatever he wants as far as I'm concerned. If he wants to be the baton twirler and wear a pretty sequins outfit, I don't care, as long as he's happy. But I'm pretty sure he's a rough, rugged, down-in-the-dirt type of boy. In fact, he loves to walk and roll around in mulch. How does that feel good? He will literally lay down in it and roll around in it.
He's a smiley baby, but gets mad when he's frustrated. All the ladies at his daycare love him and he always comes home smelling of several types of perfume. He's already a ladies' man, what can I say? They love his smile, the dimple in his right cheek, and his squinty eyes when he's smiling. He got those from his grandpa. He's also developed this rotten little laugh, it almost sounds evil. He's got his cute normal laugh, but then when he gets really excited about something (i.e. french fries, ice cream, etc.) he gets this Beavis & Butthead laugh. I need to get video of it. It's quite amusing. He's quite the little comedian, sportsman, and loverboy. I love that little man. And I think we're going to have our hands full with this one. Watch out world!
Addison is growing up to be quite the little lady. She's 4 going on 18. She LOVES shoes. She loves them so much in fact that whenever she meets someone, the first thing she'll do after saying hello is look at their shoes. She especially loves her cowboy boots and wants to wear them with everything. I think she'd sleep in them if we let her.
She's tender-hearted, so smart, and so kind. She's got a great heart and is a wonderful big sister to Camden. She watches over him and protects him. Of course she gets mad when he takes her stuff, but all in all, she adores him as much as he adores her. Camden watches Addison's every move. He's in awe of her, as are the rest of us. She's something special, that little girl.
Addison is into gymnastics and cheerleading and loves it! We need to get her back in to tap and ballet as well for the fall. We're also thinking about soccer, but I don't want to overwhelm her, so we may wait until next year for that.
Speaking of next year, it is so hard for me to believe she'll be in kindergarten in 2012! Where did my baby go? She's very excited about it. The other day she put on her backpack and said, "Mommy, pretend I'm 5 and I have to go to college." Wow. When I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up she said she wants to "do hair and be a veterinarian." Maybe she'll be a groomer? Ha ha! Again, she can do whatever she wants, as long as it makes her happy! I lived too long trying to figure out what I wanted to do and I just want my kids to do what they love! Life's too short not to.
Back to Addi. She says some of the funniest things. Last weekend I had to work and my hubby took the kids to Nordstrom. A lady stopped and asked them if they needed anything and Addison, in a very matter-of-fact voice said, "Yes. I need to poop." Ha ha! One time when I was playing Barbies with her, I was Ken (who was sans clothing) and Barbie (aka Addison) said to Ken, "Get some clothes on and marry me or I'm gonna throw you out the window!" She's something else.
She's a perfectionist, athletic, caring, smart, fashionable & quite the firecracker! She'll tell you what she thinks, even if you didn't ask! She's very opinionated and has thoughts about everything. I never thought I'd be letting a 4 year old dress herself, but she knows what she wants to wear. She actually started having an opinion about her clothes as early as 3 years old. I love that she's sensitive, but still strong in her opinions. I don't want to break her of that. Girls need that these days! I love that little lady.
I'm still a RN at Riley in the Pediatric ICU. Ike is in advertising and is loving his current position at an agency in Broad Ripple. This month we will have been married for 9 years! We're so lucky and have so much love surrounding us even though this summer has been quite sad with the recent passing of my dad. We know he's watching over us, but that doens't always make it better. It'd be better if he were still here with us. We're just thankful he was in our lives for as long as he was, even if it wasn't long enough. God has blessed us so many times over and we give all our praise to him. I don't know what I did to deserve so many blessings. But I'm thankful for the Beautiful Chaos!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Things I Love
Besides the obvious - Jesus, family, friends, the USA - here are some of the things I love the most.
1. Thunderstorms, as long as I'm home and so is the rest of my family.
2. Sweatshirt weather, not too cold, not too hot.
3. Drinking hot chocolate at a high school football game on a chilly Friday night.
4. Autumn in Indiana. Love the crispness of the air, the colors of the leaves, & football season!
7. Feeling sand between my toes. On the beach. Not the same effect when in a sand box. I've tried, plus there's cat poop in sand boxes.
8. My cowboy boots. They're comfy and cute.
9. The smell of new ballet shoes. Takes me back to my childhood and dance class. Used ballet shoes don't smell so nice.
10. Sitting out on the patio enjoying a cocktail on a warm summer night. Or I should say "a few" cocktails. I could do without the 8000 mosquito bites I get though.
11. The Fresh Market. That place just makes me feel happy inside. Maybe because it is so organized.
12. Hearing the National Anthem at sporting events. I don't know why, but I get a little emotional each time any more! Damn hormones.
13. Hudson jeans. They are so soft but fit like a glove. I make them sound like Pajama Jeans and they are not.
14. Mascara and eye liner. Anyone who knows me, knows this.
15. People who write thank you notes. If you took the time to do something nice or give me a gift, I'll probably write you a thank you note. By the way, thanks for reading my blog :)
16. Blazing fireplaces. LOVE them! I hate my gas one though. It raises our gas bill $80 for one day of use. Ridiculous. My next house will have a wood-burning one for sure.
17. Having a White Christmas. I can't imagine being somewhere warm on Christmas. It just wouldn't feel right to me.
18. Speaking of Christmas, I love Christmas Eve. I love the traditions of my family, the anticipation of what's to come, the lights, the excitement, and just being together.
19. Dresses, particularly sundresses. They're easy, they're pretty, and they make you feel uber girly.
20. Paula Deen. She's southern, she cooks food with butter in it, lots of butter. And she's always happy. What's not to love?
21. Real novels. I don't get the Kindle or Nook thing. There's just something nice about the smell and feel of holding an actual book.
22. Monthly Planners. I must have it with me at all times. It's like my whole little life in one tiny book. Doesn't get more convenient than that.
23. My iPhone. I don't leave the house without it. However in the house is another story, I usually can't find it.
24. Dolphins. I think they're so cute and smart. I once was chosen to be the helper at the Dolphin Show at King's Island. I found out my Dad bribed the trainers prior to the show. It was awesome.
25. Rocking a baby to sleep. It's the most comforting, joyful, peaceful feeling on earth. As long as the baby isn't crying that is.
26. Vacuuming. It might be an OCD thing, but I have to have lines in the carpet. I think I also enjoy it so much because I have a Dyson. I still don't know how it picks up that much stuff. Are we that dirty?
27. Nice crisp clean sheets. I would have someone change and iron my sheets everyday if I could afford it. I think I sleep better with clean, tight fitting sheets. I find it extremely annoying when the sheets get all loose and wrinkly. And I know it effects my sleep.
1. Thunderstorms, as long as I'm home and so is the rest of my family.
2. Sweatshirt weather, not too cold, not too hot.
3. Drinking hot chocolate at a high school football game on a chilly Friday night.
4. Autumn in Indiana. Love the crispness of the air, the colors of the leaves, & football season!
5. Anything chocolate and peanut butter. That has to be the best combination ever discovered.
Reese's Pieces, Reese's Cups, Butterfinger, 5th Avenue, etc.
Reese's Pieces, Reese's Cups, Butterfinger, 5th Avenue, etc.
6. Boating on a warm sunny day and just closing my eyes, listening to nothing but the hum of the engine, splashing of the water, and feeling the sunshine pounding on my cheeks.
7. Feeling sand between my toes. On the beach. Not the same effect when in a sand box. I've tried, plus there's cat poop in sand boxes.
8. My cowboy boots. They're comfy and cute.
9. The smell of new ballet shoes. Takes me back to my childhood and dance class. Used ballet shoes don't smell so nice.
10. Sitting out on the patio enjoying a cocktail on a warm summer night. Or I should say "a few" cocktails. I could do without the 8000 mosquito bites I get though.
11. The Fresh Market. That place just makes me feel happy inside. Maybe because it is so organized.
12. Hearing the National Anthem at sporting events. I don't know why, but I get a little emotional each time any more! Damn hormones.
13. Hudson jeans. They are so soft but fit like a glove. I make them sound like Pajama Jeans and they are not.
14. Mascara and eye liner. Anyone who knows me, knows this.
15. People who write thank you notes. If you took the time to do something nice or give me a gift, I'll probably write you a thank you note. By the way, thanks for reading my blog :)
16. Blazing fireplaces. LOVE them! I hate my gas one though. It raises our gas bill $80 for one day of use. Ridiculous. My next house will have a wood-burning one for sure.
17. Having a White Christmas. I can't imagine being somewhere warm on Christmas. It just wouldn't feel right to me.
18. Speaking of Christmas, I love Christmas Eve. I love the traditions of my family, the anticipation of what's to come, the lights, the excitement, and just being together.
19. Dresses, particularly sundresses. They're easy, they're pretty, and they make you feel uber girly.
20. Paula Deen. She's southern, she cooks food with butter in it, lots of butter. And she's always happy. What's not to love?
21. Real novels. I don't get the Kindle or Nook thing. There's just something nice about the smell and feel of holding an actual book.
22. Monthly Planners. I must have it with me at all times. It's like my whole little life in one tiny book. Doesn't get more convenient than that.
23. My iPhone. I don't leave the house without it. However in the house is another story, I usually can't find it.
24. Dolphins. I think they're so cute and smart. I once was chosen to be the helper at the Dolphin Show at King's Island. I found out my Dad bribed the trainers prior to the show. It was awesome.
25. Rocking a baby to sleep. It's the most comforting, joyful, peaceful feeling on earth. As long as the baby isn't crying that is.
26. Vacuuming. It might be an OCD thing, but I have to have lines in the carpet. I think I also enjoy it so much because I have a Dyson. I still don't know how it picks up that much stuff. Are we that dirty?
27. Nice crisp clean sheets. I would have someone change and iron my sheets everyday if I could afford it. I think I sleep better with clean, tight fitting sheets. I find it extremely annoying when the sheets get all loose and wrinkly. And I know it effects my sleep.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Say What?
Parenthood is the most rewarding and most challenging job. Very cliche, but very true. I find myself saying and thinking some pretty crazy things now that I'm a mom. Stuff I never thought I'd say or think, until I was a parent. And of course I always find myself saying things my parents said to me. Here is a list of some of them. See if you can relate. 1. Mommy just needs some silence for 5 minutes!
2. Stop licking the floor!
3. You cannot put that Barbie shoe there!
4. No, you may not poop in the bathtub.
5. That better be the first and last tattoo I ever see on you. (It was a temporary tattoo)
6. Please God, grant me some patience!
7. It's not appropriate to go outside naked, please put some clothes on.
8. Stop smearing food on the wall!
9. Don't smash food in your hair!
10. Get that food out of your ear!
11. Because I said so!
12. Remember, Santa Claus is watching.
13. Is that poop or chocolate?
14. Please, please, please go to sleep.
15. I can't believe I thought I was busy before I had kids.
16. You will never go on Spring Break without mom and dad there.
17. I want you to stay little forever.
18. You are my whole world!
19. I wish I could bottle your giggles!
20. Someday these little hands will be bigger than Mommy's.
21. I can't imagine my life without you.
22. If anyone hurts you, I will kill them. (I clearly remember thinking this the first time I held my daughter)
23. You'll never know how much I love you until you have your own children.
24. Thank you God for these precious little lives you have entrusted me with. I don't know what I did to deserve them, but thank you.
Friday, July 22, 2011
It Just Happened, But It's Been an Eternity
Dear Dad,
Tomorrow will be a month since you're passing. I can't believe it's been a month since you've been gone. It feels like it just happened yesterday and that it can't already be a month, but in the same breath it feels like an eternity since I talked to you since we talked nearly every day. I dread every Friday because I just relive that fateful Friday night in my head every week. It's like having a scab that's trying to heal, but then it's ripped off and starts to bleed again. I know I'll have a scar someday, but I can't get it to stop bleeding.
At your funeral there were old students of yours, old football players you coached too. One stood out from the rest. He was a very large African American man, in his late 40's/ early 50's who said he went back to school to become a lawyer at 43 because of you. You were an inspiration to him and to so many. I always knew you were amazing, but seeing how many people loved you was inspiring. You were called "the life of the party, always smiling, a great football player, a caring teacher, an awesome coach, a wonderful, reliable friend, an amazing husband, and of course, an excellent father." You were great at everything you did. You immersed yourself in life and all the roles you had. I hope I can do that. I want to continue to make you proud.
I've learned that things aren't getting easier, they are getting harder. The pain doesn't go away the week of the funeral. It actually gets worse once the funeral is over. At least when you're planning the funeral your mind is busy. A couple days ago, for some reason, I was thinking about Christmas Eve dinner and I realized you won't be there this year. It literally took my breath away. I started to panic. Sometimes it just feels like you're on vacation. Then it hits me that you are indeed in paradise, but you're not coming back. I'm happy for you, but sad for me. It's selfish, I know, but I am not ashamed to admit it.
I wish I would have saved every note you put in my lunchbox when I was a kid. You made my lunch in the morning before you went to teach English in an IPS high school. I remember sitting at the school lunch table always so excited to see what my notes from you and Mom were going to be for the day. I started to get embarrassed when I got into 5th and 6th grade, but I still loved it. I wish I could have recorded some of our conversations and the reassurance you gave me. You always believed in me, were my biggest cheerleader, and had faith in my abilities. You were forever a teacher, always teaching me about life and myself.
I'm so thankful to my friends and coworkers. I'm grateful for those who check in on me weekly, who've sent cards or flowers, made meals, and just shown genuine concern and love. I've learned quickly who my true friends are. But it's okay because I think deep down I already knew before this all happened. And my real friends know that I love to talk about you. I wish people weren't afraid to ask me how I was doing. I know people are just being polite, and I appreciate it, but I'm okay. I'm not going to cry anytime someone asks me how I am coping. I enjoy talking about you and all you taught me. I want everyone to know about you and to learn about what an awesome dad you were. It's therapeutic for me to talk about you. So if you are a friend and you're reading this, please ask me about my Dad. He was the coolest! And yes, he could have beat up your dad :)
We're in the process of selling our house and I remember when you were with Ike and me taking our picture in front of our "Sold" sign 9 years ago. You were always there, always so involved. I know if you were here you'd be touring all these houses we're looking at. In fact, the other day, without prodding, Addison told Ike, "Pa will be with us when we go look at houses today." Then she asked Ike if Pa could see her and he told her yes. She looked up into the sky and waved and said "Hi Pa!" How sweet is that? When we say our evening prayers, she often tells Jesus she misses Pa. It breaks my heart, but warms it at the same time. Then yesterday, I was having a really hard time and started crying when I was in the kitchen. I was just thinking about how it's been a month and I miss you terribly. Addison came down and saw me crying and she just knew what was wrong. I didn't say anything when I realized she was watching me. She needs to know it's okay to grieve and to cry. She came up to me and in her sweet, quiet little voice said, "It's okay Mommy, Pa's always with you, even though you can't see him. You'll see him again someday." I just felt so calm after that. It's amazing how such a sweet, innocent little voice can bring such peace. I am so grateful that she has such a strong faith at such a young age. She knew just what I needed and she's only 4 years old.
Needless to say, I'm still reeling over your loss. I wonder how it's going to be without you for the rest of my life. I know the Lord will provide comfort for mom and all us girls, but my goodness you are missed. The last text I got from you said, "Keep the faith." It was from that fateful Friday. I will Dad, I will keep the faith. That's all I've got. I don't know how people who don't have faith make it through times like this. I will never delete that text and I will live by those words. I will keep the faith, Dad. I love you.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
It's Independence Day
Hey Dad,
I miss you so much and just wanted to write you a little note. I was just thinking about this being the first holiday you won't be here. We always used to go to the Yacht Club and have their 4th of July fried chicken dinner. Then afterward, I loved going out on the boat to watch the fireworks. I'll miss that this year. I love that your ringtone was "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. I love that you had no clue that the song was about an abused woman. Of course I never told you because I thought it was cute that that was your ring tone. You were so proud to be an American. I love that you would pay for lunches of random military men in uniform when you were out at a restaurant. I love that you always thanked anyone in uniform for their service to our country. Sure tomorrow is July 4, Independence Day, but your Independence Day was June 25, 2011. You are free now Dad. Free from all the pain you dealt with in your chest and in your legs. Free from the 20+ medications you took everyday. I am so thankful you are truly free. You're completely restored and perfect in heaven. You're home now, where you were always meant to be. And though I'd love to see you again, hear your voice again, hug you again, I would never want to take you away from your home. Happy Independence Day Daddy!
I love you and miss you.
Love,
Jill
I miss you so much and just wanted to write you a little note. I was just thinking about this being the first holiday you won't be here. We always used to go to the Yacht Club and have their 4th of July fried chicken dinner. Then afterward, I loved going out on the boat to watch the fireworks. I'll miss that this year. I love that your ringtone was "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. I love that you had no clue that the song was about an abused woman. Of course I never told you because I thought it was cute that that was your ring tone. You were so proud to be an American. I love that you would pay for lunches of random military men in uniform when you were out at a restaurant. I love that you always thanked anyone in uniform for their service to our country. Sure tomorrow is July 4, Independence Day, but your Independence Day was June 25, 2011. You are free now Dad. Free from all the pain you dealt with in your chest and in your legs. Free from the 20+ medications you took everyday. I am so thankful you are truly free. You're completely restored and perfect in heaven. You're home now, where you were always meant to be. And though I'd love to see you again, hear your voice again, hug you again, I would never want to take you away from your home. Happy Independence Day Daddy!
I love you and miss you.
Love,
Jill
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Until We Meet Again Dad. . .
My dad passed away this morning at 1:33 a.m. We went in for a blood transfusion yesterday evening, per his doctor, because of low hemoglobin and ended up intubated and on pressors to keep his blood pressure up in the ICU. Blood tests revealed he had kidney failure, along with all his other, already known, heart problems. I won't get into too many details, but it happened fast, very fast. In the ER around 5:30 p.m., ICU by 8:30 and off to heaven 5 hours later. I am so thankful that I was at his bedside as he passed. I have no doubt he is now in heaven, free from chest pain, running and playing football and spending time with his loved ones who've passed before him.
I am so grateful that I was able to say the things I needed to say to him. Often, we hold back and don't tell those we love how much they mean to us and the difference they've made in our lives. For those of you who didn't have the privilege of knowing my father, and even for those of you who did, let me tell you a little bit about him and what he means to me. I'm not really the type to share things so personal. But I felt compelled to share this with you.
Once he was intubated, I went into his ICU room, held his hand and told him I was there. He opened his eyes, and though he couldn't speak because of the breathing tube, his eyes said everything. He had a tear in his right eye and it was heart breaking. I told my dad that he was my hero. He made me the person I am today. I am compassionate and caring, just like him. I am a worrier and sensitive, just like him. I have a brown eyes and a dimple in my chin, just like him. I told him him he was a fighter. After all, he's had coronary artery disease since his mid 30's. He fought to the end. He was trying to pull the breathing tube out the whole time. He was so stubborn. But I loved that about him.
My dad was a retired English teacher and high school football coach. My dad was a hard worker. One of his favorite sayings was, "Don't ever let anyone out-work you." And he sacrificed constantly for us. He would teach during the day, then night school and summer school and even worked for a few months as a delivery guy for Pizza Hut just so his girls could have dance & cheerleading lessons. He did that for us. I remember being so embarrassed that he delivered pizzas for a while. But now I want everyone to know that that is the kind of man my dad was. He didn't care what others thought, he just cared about his family. I told him thank you for this. Thanks for teaching me how to be a hard worker and to always put family first just as he always did.
My dad was the kind of man who moved back to Indy from SC where my mom works for a whole year to watch my son two days a week so he didn't have to be in daycare. We never asked him to do that, he just did. He wanted to. Always wanted to help whenever he could. Luckily, he was back with my mom in SC for a few months before he drove back to Indy on Father's Day to escape the SC summer heat & humidity.
My dad was the kind of man who was at every softball game, every dance practice, every cheerleading competition. He coached our powder puff team in high school every year and loved it. Even though he had 4 daughters, he still found a way to coach us in football! He loved football. I will miss going to the Colts games with him. I will miss boating with him. He taught me how to waterski. We spent just about every weekend at the lake when I was little. Those are some of my most favorite memories.
I am going to miss getting texts from him and sending him videos of the kids waiting for his response. I am going to miss calling him on the phone and him saying, "Hello Nurse Jill!" because that's how he had me programmed in his cell phone. He was so proud of me being a nurse. He told everyone. He also told everyone I was a Colts Cheerleader much to my dismay. He was a proud father.
But now I'm the proud daughter. I am proud that Dennis Jackson is my father. I am proud of the man he was. I am proud of the husband he was to my mom. He passed one day short of their 35th wedding anniversary. I am proud of the grandfather he was to my kids. He adored them, and they adored their Pa. I'm so happy Camden has Pa's smiley eyes. Whenever they smile their eyes disappear. I will forever see my dad's eyes in Camden. I am grateful for that.
The nurses pulled out the breathing tube because he was trying to pull it out himself. I told you he was stubborn. He was still on the medication to keep his blood pressure up at this point. However, with three medications maxed out, it still wasn't working. He was very confused because his blood pressure was so low. The medications were turned off because they were not helping. We didn't want him to suffer anymore. He was tired. The fight was over. We continued to tell him how much we loved him and what a great father he was. We watched him take his last breaths. Then we prayed over him and asked the Lord to take him quickly. As soon as we said, "Amen," his heart stopped. 1:33 a.m. June 25, 2011.
I take comfort in the fact that my dad was a Christian. I am certain he got quite a welcome into Heaven this morning. He is now with the Lord. And I will not say goodbye. I will say, "Until we meet again." I can't wait to see you again dad. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me about life, love, and family. Thank you for always being there to support me in every thing I did. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on when I needed you. Thank you for teaching me what a good husband is. I see all of the qualities you had in Ike. Thank you for always caring for Addison and Camden with all your heart. Thank you for all you've done for me and all you will continue to do because I know you're still with me. Thank you Lord for the life of Dennis Loel Jackson and thank you for letting him be MY daddy. I will miss you daddy. You're my hero and I will love you forever.
I am so grateful that I was able to say the things I needed to say to him. Often, we hold back and don't tell those we love how much they mean to us and the difference they've made in our lives. For those of you who didn't have the privilege of knowing my father, and even for those of you who did, let me tell you a little bit about him and what he means to me. I'm not really the type to share things so personal. But I felt compelled to share this with you.
Once he was intubated, I went into his ICU room, held his hand and told him I was there. He opened his eyes, and though he couldn't speak because of the breathing tube, his eyes said everything. He had a tear in his right eye and it was heart breaking. I told my dad that he was my hero. He made me the person I am today. I am compassionate and caring, just like him. I am a worrier and sensitive, just like him. I have a brown eyes and a dimple in my chin, just like him. I told him him he was a fighter. After all, he's had coronary artery disease since his mid 30's. He fought to the end. He was trying to pull the breathing tube out the whole time. He was so stubborn. But I loved that about him.
My dad was a retired English teacher and high school football coach. My dad was a hard worker. One of his favorite sayings was, "Don't ever let anyone out-work you." And he sacrificed constantly for us. He would teach during the day, then night school and summer school and even worked for a few months as a delivery guy for Pizza Hut just so his girls could have dance & cheerleading lessons. He did that for us. I remember being so embarrassed that he delivered pizzas for a while. But now I want everyone to know that that is the kind of man my dad was. He didn't care what others thought, he just cared about his family. I told him thank you for this. Thanks for teaching me how to be a hard worker and to always put family first just as he always did.
My dad was the kind of man who moved back to Indy from SC where my mom works for a whole year to watch my son two days a week so he didn't have to be in daycare. We never asked him to do that, he just did. He wanted to. Always wanted to help whenever he could. Luckily, he was back with my mom in SC for a few months before he drove back to Indy on Father's Day to escape the SC summer heat & humidity.
But now I'm the proud daughter. I am proud that Dennis Jackson is my father. I am proud of the man he was. I am proud of the husband he was to my mom. He passed one day short of their 35th wedding anniversary. I am proud of the grandfather he was to my kids. He adored them, and they adored their Pa. I'm so happy Camden has Pa's smiley eyes. Whenever they smile their eyes disappear. I will forever see my dad's eyes in Camden. I am grateful for that.
The nurses pulled out the breathing tube because he was trying to pull it out himself. I told you he was stubborn. He was still on the medication to keep his blood pressure up at this point. However, with three medications maxed out, it still wasn't working. He was very confused because his blood pressure was so low. The medications were turned off because they were not helping. We didn't want him to suffer anymore. He was tired. The fight was over. We continued to tell him how much we loved him and what a great father he was. We watched him take his last breaths. Then we prayed over him and asked the Lord to take him quickly. As soon as we said, "Amen," his heart stopped. 1:33 a.m. June 25, 2011.
I take comfort in the fact that my dad was a Christian. I am certain he got quite a welcome into Heaven this morning. He is now with the Lord. And I will not say goodbye. I will say, "Until we meet again." I can't wait to see you again dad. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me about life, love, and family. Thank you for always being there to support me in every thing I did. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on when I needed you. Thank you for teaching me what a good husband is. I see all of the qualities you had in Ike. Thank you for always caring for Addison and Camden with all your heart. Thank you for all you've done for me and all you will continue to do because I know you're still with me. Thank you Lord for the life of Dennis Loel Jackson and thank you for letting him be MY daddy. I will miss you daddy. You're my hero and I will love you forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)